Sunday, September 08, 2013

Suicide - A Step by Step Process


I am writing this blog post in present tense because suicide is not something which anyone plans for, It is something which just happens in this particular moment, ‘now’ , when you forget to remember that you still have hope to continue with your life. 

Whether this is fiction or not, please don’t bother thinking. This is real. Continue reading.

What goes on inside a Suicide prone mind?

I sit here staring at the blank screen trying to think of all the things I did in my life but to my dismay, I remember only the ones I didn’t do in my life. I close my eyes trying to tell myself, it is fine. Routine is not forever. Things will change, I try to think, but then a sad voice tells me from inside, subtle but hard to ignore, with a shade of a constant irritation and loneliness,

“No, it never does or never will. It didn’t change for the day before today like it won’t change for the day after…”  

I close my eyes and swallow the voice inside deep by telling or yelling aloud from inside to myself, “Go away!!! It will change”. It didn’t struggle to come out. It just goes deep inside me. I know what it is going to do inside me from that moment on. 

For that moment, the voice disappears. I must be happy or at least not sad but I know that the voice will return with new vigor. It will dig into all my past and create a new sadistic imaginary future which I don’t want to be part of.

I will be able to fight it if it is going to attack me but no, it never attacks. The voice which never leaves is my lonely companion who offers his shoulder for me to cry while I am left alone in this bitter and unremarkable world.  It just makes me feel sad and comforted away from everything bad. Suddenly I like to be sad and I like to be left alone. The epitome of loneliness is the “Suicide…”

The next day when the voice speaks again, I am already weak from the way it left me the day before. Today, the voice speaks, “Did today change from yesterday?”

I am not having an answer to this question so I stay silent and accept the fate. That is the reason for me Suicide…

What do he/ she not see from reality?
Close your eyes, you see stars inside the darkness infested walls of your eye lids. 

No, you don’t see stars inside…???

Then you don’t hear the sad voice too. It is imagination one fails to see. Life is what you see or what you think you see.  

Frustration can tell you many things which will make you feel, you are the only person who will understand yourself and then you feel the urge to succumb to the ultimate end. 

Of course, you are the only person who can really understand yourself but the problem is you do not put effort to understand yourself correctly.

You just listen to only the bad things or things which appear bad to you now.

Today’s bad is tomorrow’s achievement. Pain is the way of life telling us we are going in the right direction. Muscle needs exercise for toning and frustration is a type of pain for seasoning your mind into something strong and powerful.

The beautiful thing about pain and frustration is it makes you search for things which will make you happy. Every Suicide happens because; the person stopped their search in the middle. A step forward would have brought them to their search’s end…

How to come out it?

  •  Find what you really want to do in your life?
    for instance: I found my gift to be writing only after I lost something close to my heart

  • Make new hobbies and start loving them
  • It is a sweet sadness which you feel inside when depression or frustration creeps in but when it leaves you, you are weak and without hope. Do not give into that temptation. It is of no good to anyone.
  • Think of the loved ones. How they will feel after you are gone?
  • Give yourself an ambition and work for it. Become aggressive in reaching your goals.

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